Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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