Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
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Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
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I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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