i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
