I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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