You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
