and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
