Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
