Jerry, you need to find god
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
