Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
