I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
