she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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