I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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