Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
