he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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