i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
