I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
