Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
