his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
