Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
