I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You can't special order awesome
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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