Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
