Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
