PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
