no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole