Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing