On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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