OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
