I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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