I faked an abortion last night.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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