oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
