I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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