i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
