He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
