I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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