After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
