I wish they made helmets for livers.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
