she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
