you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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