Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
