I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
