I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
