this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
