I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
