mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
