I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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