Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Hippo gnu deer
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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