lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
