Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
