You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
