It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
