Its about making memories worth repressing
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
