So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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