my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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