I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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