my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
