If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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