Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
