how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
