I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
