do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
