oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
