My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
