We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
