Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
