the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
