someone threw a dead crab at me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize