hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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