You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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