I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
