i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
