If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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