we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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