dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
