Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
