Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
