Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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