dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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