fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
