I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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