Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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