so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
