Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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